2011 - My last year of high school.
This year is the last year that I’ll be an adolescent in secondary school and I’m not going to mess it up for the world. This is the year for me to change.
The long weekend was extremely eventful.
It was the first time I’ve ever retaliated against my parents and run away from home. I’ve been informed that I’ve changed a lot these past two years. Some may say for the better but some may say for the worst. However, it’s time that I change the way I want to change. How I would like to do that, and how I would like to change is still to be decided but, as Mr. Park said: ‘Life is like a journey’. Who knew Maranatha Christian School would really be a huge impact on my life ? Sometimes I believe that I’ve changed for the worst because I’ve strayed further away from God than I have ever been before, but then again, sometimes I believe that I’ve matured very well to decide things independently. The thing I’ve always wondered though is, what does God have in store for me next ? I actually feel like my life has been full of surprises. I wouldn’t say I’ve had the best life nor would I say that the past events of my life were joyful. I guess its difficult for me to tell others about my past and issues because I don’t like to be sympathized or looked at differently. I am who I am. The past events of my life has shaped who I am today. So though there may be times where I might not particularly be fond of how it has impacted me, I am still grateful for the people I have met and lived by.
Here’s my life story.
From the day I was born, I grew up being raised by my grandparents, aunty and uncle (from my father’s side of the family). They were quite humorous and entertaining at times which made me a very odd child. I loved to put on my aunty’s make up and ruin her 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle while she was at school. My uncle was very loud and weird but he always made weird gestures and created the weirdest trends in clothing. My grandparents were polar opposites, my grandmother being loud and rowdy and my grandfather being quiet and wise. My grandmother was always an intimidating person to approach (she still is now) but I’ve always seen her as the most humorous of us all. She was a very strong and passionate person who would never lose to an argument (maybe because she’d pull out her butcher knife if she were to lose). I remember playing zombie games in a very old nintendo console, gambling with 5 cent coins in card games and playing tetris on a little electronic game thing that I never knew the name to. She hated lollies and chocolates but she loved the coleslaw from KFC and sprite. My grandfather on the other hand was very quiet and loving to each child of the family. He always made sure that his grandchildren were happy, even if we cried over the most trivial and pathetic things (such as uncle telling us that our teeth will fall out). He taught me how to write my name in chinese characters (which I cannot master even now) and he would always have the most moral decisions. If he had the money to become a doctor, he would surely be a very successful one. My grandparents had immigrated from Cambodia after the time of Pol Pot so I heard many stories about how hard it was for them in the past to gather food and find decent needs.
This happiness lasted until I was 5.
That year was the most eventful year of my life. Though I was 5, adults really did underestimate the knowledge of a 5 year old child. That year was the year the I lived with my parents in Endeavour Hills. My sister was born and at that time, she was 1. They had constant arguments and apparently they had issues with gambling and accusing of each other of cheating. However, the only thing I remember clearly from that specific year was the night that my dad packed his bags and left the house. I remember the hammock that we had in front of the wall and the open kitchen that was close to it. It was a very white house. My mom and dad were arguing while mom was holding my sister. Dad had gotten very mad and his temper got out of hand so he picked up a carton of milk and threw it was the wall. I still remember the wall having a very large hole in it. My mother was apparently the one who packed his bags but the only thing I remember was watching dad walk out of the house.
After that night, I only remember a series of legal things declared by the courts which involved mom having both my sister and I. While my mom had custody over us, dad was left with nothing. We were allowed to see him once every fortnight after that. However, when we were able to see him, he only ever saw us for no more than 40 minutes which consisted of a very long car trip from mom’s house down to my grandparent’s house. He was a man of few words so during those 40 minutes down to grandma’s place, dad would occasionally ask us how school was.
I accumulated my drama and anime addiction from my time at my grandmother’s place. I spend most of my time renting dvd’s about fairies, princesses and fairytales. We eventually became friends with the dvd store owner ^_^ As I grew older, I lost my best friend from Rangeview because I also had to move schools when I moved to Endeavour Hills. Daniella. That was her name. I moved houses probably more than 5 times in this life but one of the places I moved to was next to Daniella’s house. I no longer remember what she looks like and if she ever recalls me in her childhood. As I approached my teen years, I became more engaged in those ‘chick flicks’ and teenage movies. I still loved cartoons and I always waited for new cartoons to come out, especially Barbie. I really enjoyed watching everything in the family and anime section of the dvd store. I even ended up watching most of the Jackie Chan and Jet Li movies with my aunty and uncle. The only problem with watching so many dvd’s was that I eventually watched so many that I ran out of things to watch. It was the only thing that aunty and uncle could do to keep me occupied while they did their own thing. They did a lot of things. I guess they thought I was too immature to understand but I understood everything that happened around me quite clearly. I understood how to raise a baby for my aunty, acknowledge the fact that my aunty and uncle only ever closed the door to be able to inject themselves with whatever drug they had, understand that dad wasn’t actually seeing his ‘friends’ when I was in the car but his clients as he dealt drugs and much more.
To some people, my life may not seem so bad but to some it may seem like I’ve been through the worst possible things they could ever imagine. My life isn’t as bad as I think it is but I still get affected emotionally by it. I don’t expect anyone to understand and maybe the things I get emotional over are a complete waste of time and not even worth being emotional over. However, I’m glad that I experienced a bit of everything in my life. There are more ups and downs to come, just like the long weekend that just passed, but the things that I go through help me to understand other people’s problems. It helps me to be there for my friends.
My schooling life, my personal life and my love life are three completely different things to me. I’m quite an insecure person who always needs to be protected but I try my best to be strong. No matter how loud I try to be or how tough I try to act, I’m actually a very weak and insecure individual who is sensitive to almost everything. Because of my personality, it has affected a lot of people and I really regret that. To some, it can be beneficial, and to others, it can be the worst thing they have ever come across.
I’m struggling to get my life back on track at the moment but I’m doing my best to straighten it back up again. These are my goals for this year:
1. Get back on track with school work and work ahead if possible to avoid any stress. This includes: completed coursework for; business management, accounting and maths methods., writing up multiple practice essays for English (language analysis and text response), completed notes book to bring into exams for maths methods, revision notes for all subjects, completed reading of all novels in English and anything else that I have missed.
2. Aim for a 90%+ in all my sacs and exams.
3. Contact tutors immediately.
4. Find a way to stay motivated to study and have a regular study routine.
5. Stop letting my personal life affect my school life.
6. Become a better person and better daughter through trying to find ways to bring out the better person in me. Maybe this may include involving myself in multiple interschool activities or involving myself in volunteer work outside of school for the community.
7. Talk to Miss. Shales about what to do to maximise my learning and efforts in year 12 to get into Commerce/Law, Commerce/Arts or Commerce in Monash. Kindly decline any TAFE offers that she suggests.
8. Ignore John Tang as best I can without causing trouble within the house.
9. Treat my friends more kindly and be more fun and bubbly around them.
10. Find more street dancers to inspire myself and to allow myself to indulge in the world of dance.
11. Don’t let others step all over me.
12. Be more confident.
13. Have fun.
14. Actually try to abide by these goals and not just avoid this blog after posting it.
15. Somehow improve my memory skills so I don’t forget what I plan to blog next time ==
I shall be off to studying now. Good night :)
