This sucks.

I’m currently in a very emotional state and I can barely say anything to anyone. Pms is just so frustratingly annoying. Who would want to feel sad and angry and annoyed all in one go ? The only two things that are going through my head at this very moment are the girls that get to spend so much time with my.. semi bf ?.. and having to go back to a foreign family on Monday night.

I’m quite happy that I’m able to be with my .. what the hell do I call this.. semi bf ? .. again. I was so excited about finally meeting him and spending all this time with him but it hurts. It hurts so much to know that all those girls are able to see him everyday but with me on the other hand, I still haven’t met him. He doesn’t realize how lonely it feels to not be held by anyone at all. Not by my friends or by the one I love. It’s lonely. I can’t say as much as I’d like to nor express everything that I’m feeling because I know I can be dramatic. I can’t help it though. This is why I resulted to blogging. At least I know that the blog won’t get frustrated with me or upset with me or feel stressed because of me. It just feels like you don’t want to spend time with me. I just need to be held just once.. even if it’s just for a brief second. I would even go over to see you just once so I could be held. You don’t understand how lonely I feel at this moment..

I isolate myself away from people because I want to be loyal to you. You don’t see how much of a loyal girlfriend I’m trying to be for you.

I’m just so frustrated right now that I can’t even think straight..

I can’t help but wonder why you can’t even make a tiny bit of time to see me..

I miss you so damn much and I can’t even be sure of when I’ll ever get to see you.

14 months.. of not being with my own bf..

argh..

I hate trying to cover up for things that I want you to worry about but I can’t help but push you away even more to try to hurt myself as much as I can.

This really does suck.

Blogging is hopeless.